A Cousin I Can Count On

Family: forever, for always, and no matter what.

Here is a story about love, compassion, joy, celebration, and over two-and-a-half decades of amazing memories. Let’s rewind a little bit.

Growing up and to this day, I’d spend pretty much all holidays with my immediate family. That is all holidays except for one—Thanksgiving. For my family, Thanksgiving was always one of the largest family events where my cousins, aunts, uncles, distant and close family-friends, and whoever else, would pour into one house, to eat, sing, fellowship, reminisce, play video games, laugh, and enjoy each other!

I’d look forward to the event every year, but as I got older, my brother, cousins, and I started to get more involved with extra-curricular activities. Starting with Thanksgiving football games, or when one-by-one we would go off to college, we would talk about how great it will be when we get together on Thanksgiving, But as we continued to get more involved with our personal lives it seemed like every year, less and less of us would come home for Thanksgiving. While the excitement would still be present as we’d laugh and joke with great friends who would come and spend it with us that one year, it wasn’t the same as having all of my cousins there.

Thankfully, technology made it not-so-hard to stay in touch.

I had one particular cousin, who, every time I’d come home from school, I could count on to be on AIM. Shaun, my cousin, was studying to be an engineer in college while I was in high school, so it worked out to my advantage that I could find him on the computer.

Anyway, I would always get excited to come home and tell him about my day, how I bombed a quiz, had yet another stupid short-term crush, or even to talk about some really tough personal struggles with faith or self-worth. Years passed, and we kept this up. Aim turned into Gchat, I went off to college, and he to graduate school and traveling the world. I still remember those routine Sunday mornings of my college days when he would come pick me up from my dorm and would blast Soca music in the car on the way to church---only to make the quick switch to “How Great Thou Art” moments later.

We grew older, Shaun went off to become an engineer, and I a teacher. Not a week would go by without us checking on each other. Family members would get married and move away, or great job opportunities would take us to exciting new places. But despite the fact that he was all the way in Reno and I in New Haven, everything remained the same. I would miss him on Thanksgiving, but we would go on to have the best time learning to surf and stuffing ourselves with Mexican food when I would go visit him. I will never forget the time I was relaxing in my CT apartment thinking he was still in Reno, and he told me he sent me a package that should have arrived at that moment based on tracking or something. I went to pick it up from downstairs, and there he was. I could have cried. The list goes on, and the memories are endless.

But this year, 2017, was a big year. Shaun was getting married. As much as I love weddings, and am always so happy when my friends and family members tie the knot, it never makes the family larger, it usually means the opposite. Less quality time, smaller numbers at family gatherings, less communication, it’s just different. I wondered if that would be the same with Shaun. Would it? I absolutely LOVE his fiancé, but would she come to our family events? What would it be like now? Anyway, the wedding plans were underway, and I prepared to sing for Shaun’s wedding. It would be in Jamaica, and I was actually really excited about it! As we booked tickets and got geared up, I figured it would be the perfect opportunity to bring a really great guy as my wedding date! How fun—Jamaica with a guy! But, of course, my cousin, the big brother he has always been, forbade it. I wasn’t in a serious relationship, so I was not going to travel around the world with a “friend” --especially not to his wedding.

Anyhow, we arrived to Jamaica, I was with my mom and aunts, and slowly people arrived at the resort. We all arrived around the same time. Many of the family members who were there were stressed out and panicky. “Where is this, what about that? What time is xyz?? I, however, had a different state of mind thinking, “where are my cousins, and how do we get to the beach?”

The wedding day was finally here. It was held outdoors at a beautiful historic museum, and thankfully, the rain held up for us. The music started. In came the groomsmen and bridesmaids who looked great by the way (007 theme…how could they not look great!?). Everyone rose to their feet, and the gorgeous bride walked down the aisle. She looked amazing. Once everyone took their seats, and the wedding officiator, my uncle, called me up to sing. Now usually when I sing, I get a little bit nervous. Not too nervous, but just enough to keep me on my toes.

I went up, and this super weird thing happened. The song was to the bride and groom. So naturally, I looked directly at them several times throughout the song. But the weird thing is, every time I would expect to get that nervous feeling inside, it would disappear. Cause I’d remember that Shaun was the person I would talk to every time I was nervous about anything! Or if I was happy about things, or scared, or frustrated. He was literally there for it all. Like you know that Alicia Keys song? Diary? Like that. And at that moment, he was literally right in front of me, so I didn’t have to be nervous, because he was right there. And to make it even better, as he looked me, chuckled, and shook his head a little while I sang, that just made it. I felt like he was saying “chillllll…just be cool lol…stop freaking out-- just sing”…literally. I wouldn’t be surprised if that is actually what he was thinking!

So, the wedding continued, vows were exchanged, we clapped and threw rose pedals, and then it was reception time! WOOHOO!!!

The music started, the bar tender gave out coconut water and a special wedding beverage, Purple Rain, and we were mingling, finding our seat assignments, and taking photos. As the night progressed and we enjoyed a full plate of rice and peas, macaroni pie, stewed chicken, salad, and festivals, speeches were made, and the DJ started. The bride and groom danced their epic wedding dance with class and sass, and song after song played while the dance floor filled with more and more people.

Now, I come from a church-going family of pastors. When we get together, our celebratory behavior includes singing and worshipping, playing instruments, and watching family movies. It is always a lot of fun. But my generation of family members is slightly different. While we are Jesus freaks ourselves, every once in a while, we tap into our Caribbean heritage and dance like David danced, so to speak.

And then it happened. About 2 hours into the reception, were all jumping and waving and carrying on, Uncle Thaddeus was on the dance floor showing us all how it’s done, and the Dj mixes the music to the next song. I decipher the words “jump-up, jump-up, jump and put your hands up” …and I just felt the energy change. The second we heard “PALANCE!!!”, it’s like a vast wind came and swept everyone from one side of the floor to the other. You didn’t need to know the moves or even know how to dance, to the song, you just had to get up and go where the wind blew you. The song continued and we created a circle. Different people from both sides of the family were coming in and out of the circle, just having a great time! During that song, that energy brought me back to the many conversations I’d had with Shaun, about work, romance, and spirituality. I’d thought about memories of intense Sega games, New Year’s parties, job applications, relationships, graduations, birthdays, holidays, and that moment where we were at yet another celebration, and it was because he’d found the love of his life. I couldn’t be happier for him. I felt pure joy, and there wasn’t a single negative thought in my mind.

And the best part of it all, is my cousin Shaun isn’t even my cousin. Our dads have known each other since they were young and living in Saint Lucia, and Shaun and I were raised together and would roll deep with the rest of our cousins to family events, but at the end of the day, we aren’t blood. But he has always been there for me, still loves, mentors, and cares for me like family does, and that is all that matters. There is a saying, blood is thicker than water. While that’s technically true, I’ve found that your family really comprises those who love you, care about you, have your best interest in mind. They check on you to make sure you are okay, and they show up. They show up to events, to your call for help, to laugh with you, cry with you, and they are there for you when you need them.

So, to the one who has read every job cover letter, listened to every long winded mistake, always been a voice of reason, who has celebrated with me, who I know I can always count on to be on gchat if I need a friend, and who truly lives 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, I love you, I am so happy for you, and I know that no matter what happens, I don’t think anything will ever truly tear us apart. Blood or not, you are my family, my cousin. Xx

Prayer: Dear Lord, help me to be thankful for my family and friends. appreciating what they do, and how much they care. Not everyone has this, and it is a blessing. Thank you! Amen.